News from the Audio Club of Johannesberg.

I thought this was a brilliant send up of militant audio subjectivism when I posted it on AK today.  However, everyone else pretty much ignored it, probably wondering if I had gone off the deep end completely.

 

Accused Murderer Oscar Pistorius Changes Plea.

Published March 22, 2013

Dissociated Press
JOHANNESBURG – A lawyer for Oscar Pistorius says he has decided to change his plea in the murder trial of model Reeva Steenkamp to, “Innocent By Reason of Subjectivity.” According to Pistorius’ lead attorney Pearce Harrimon, “The mainstream media has widely reported that my client shot and killed Ms. Steenkamp. This is a blatant and cynical misstatement of his actions. In reality, just prior to his arrest, Mr. Pistorius was engaging in the act of “Re-Capping” his girlfriend, in a mutually agreed attempt to improve her performance.”

Harrimon went on to explain that while some may consider the small steel capacitors used on Ms. Steenkamp to be harmful to important aspects of her functioning, “Oscar was there. He heard and saw the results with his own eyes, and reported being extremely satisfied with the results of his efforts. How could anyone in their right mind challenge his direct and personal experience confirming that a person he knew well, a person he had lived with was, in fact, ‘substantially improved?’”

In a written statement to the court, Pistorius explained his position. “I am not a doctor. But, I do know what I hear and see. The modifications we performed resulted in a more ‘open’ Reeva. Background noise was virtually eliminated. Others had recommended lead caps. Some traditionalists advised against any re-capping at all, despite the fact that Reeva was over 30 years old! I’m so glad I did what I did. Reeva is back in my system with steel and polyester replacing the old chemical technology. All I can say is that, guys, if you are thinking about this, try it. It works great!”

“Guilty? You have to be kidding,” added Harrimon. “That’s just a bunch of meter-reading idiots showing how little they know about measuring life. My client is more than innocent, he’s a trend setter!”

Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

Comments

  • Bob  On May 14, 2013 at 7:10 am

    Didn’t Oscar install the original caps? They say the initial cap installation greatly reduced his system’s noise level objectively and subjectively.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: